Saturday, October 07, 2006

Parents Ruin Child's Life In Record Time

BILOXI, Miss. -- A couple in Mississippi have named their newborn son ESPN. The child is expected to endure a lifetime of embarrassment, confusion and ridicule. ESPN (the baby, not the 24-hour sports programming cable television network) has already been made to cry on several occasions by maternity ward nurses leaning over the child's bassinet and loudly singing the "duh-duh-duh (pause) duh-duh-duh" theme from SportsCenter in his face.

ESPN (supposedly pronounced "Espen," according to his parents) is the fourth child born to Rusty and Leann Real, joining older siblings CNN (pronounced "Sienna"), USA (pronounced "Ooosa"), and Lifetime Movie Network.

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