Saturday, December 09, 2006

People Outraged By Smell Of Cookies

San Francisco city officials have ordered the removal of the newly installed "Got Milk?" bus shelter ads that smell like cookies because people were very upset about them. Some fear the smells will cause reactions in people who are allergic to cookies, while others complain that the odors are unsafe to breathe, preferring instead to inhale pure bus exhaust. Other city residents have objected to the controversial aromas on the grounds that they are offensive to poor and homeless people who cannot afford to purchase their own cookies.

Now I will start to make stuff up.

San Francisco officials are also ending all bus service in the city because they are afraid of offending people who can't afford a bus ticket. In addition, eating is now outlawed within city limits, since some people don't have enough money to buy food, apparently due to poor panhandling technique. In keeping with this municipal legislative philosophy, it is also now illegal to not give money to panhandlers upon request. The new minimum compulsory donation is twenty dollars per hand per day, up to a maximum of forty dollars per panhandler per day (panhandlers with more than two hands are subject to the forty dollar daily maximum). This new law, of course, is expected to spark even more controversy, as it could be perceived as unfair to those panhandlers who have only one hand and those who have zero hands. It is expected that another new law will be proposed that will mandate the removal of both hands from all city residents.

It is now also illegal to have body odor in San Francisco, unless you are poor or homeless. In that case, you are allowed to have body odor if you are able to afford it. Otherwise, there is no body odor allowed, as it may offend people who also may or may not be offended by the smell of cookies. There has not yet been a decision about the possibility of allowing body-odor-scented cookies and what, if any, advertising would be permitted for them.

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