Thursday, June 07, 2007

Paris Hilton Freed From Reality Early

Paris Hilton was freed from reality early Thursday, 18 days ahead of schedule.

"It feels wonderful to at long last be freed from reality and to be free from reality," said a vapid Hilton. "Reality's hard!"

The Los Angeles County Sheriff's office decided to send Hilton home from jail early Thursday morning, saying that she was suffering from an undisclosed medical condition. According to unnamed sources, the condition is known as ESS, or "Empty Skull Syndrome." It is estimated that one out of every ten celebrity hotel heiresses suffers from the disease.

Hilton said she will never forget all of the new friends she made during her time in jail.

"I'll always remember the lady who checked me into the jail, and that guy who brought me lunch, and that other guy who signed me back out of the jail. I'm a better person now because of them."

She later added, "That's hot."

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