Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Bush Resigns Presidency To Follow Def Leppard Tour

George W. Bush has resigned the presidency in order to follow Def Leppard's U.S. summer tour, the White House said today.

"Nothing is more important to former President Bush than Def Leppard," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. "Sorry America, you're stuck with Cheney now."

Later in the day, the former President Bush spoke to reporters at a T.G.I. Friday's in suburban Maryland, emphasizing his excitement about his upcoming road trip, during which he will attend every concert on Def Leppard's U.S. tour.

"Lookin' forward to it," said Bush. "Lookin' forward to Burgettstown, Pennsylvania. Lookin' forward to Columbus. Lookin' forward to Cuyahoga Falls. Did you hear how well I pronounced that? Cu-ya-ho-ga Falls? Heh heh."

When asked how he could resign the most powerful office in the world just to go on the road to follow an aging pop metal band from England, Bush had a familiar-sounding answer.

"You're either with Def Leppard, or you're with the terrorists."

Bush later added, "Pour some sugar on me, 'cause I'm done."

Bush said that he will have a "decent" seat at most of the shows, though at some venues he will be relegated to the lawn section.

"I was too busy with a bunch of presidential matters and what-not and so I couldn't get on the Ticketmaster website on time when the tickets went on sale. But I did win one of them radio contests and got backstage passes for the show in Cheyenne. Lookin' forward to it."

Back at the White House, Snow told reporters that Americans need not worry that newly sworn-in President Cheney will abandon his post like Bush.

"President Cheney doesn't like any rock bands," said Snow. "As a matter of fact, he doesn't like anything."

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